Thoughts

Quotes from my High School Diary

I did the thing!

I did the most cringe-worthy thing I could ever do: I reread my high school diary.

Audible Gasp!

Okay, first of all - just to clarify - I never really kept a constant diary in high school and didn't even bother to write everyday. As a matter of fact, I either wrote diary entries everyday for a week or not at all for 4 months. I didn't even actually have a consistent diary notebook. My diary entries were scattered in all different kinds of notebooks (my favorite victims being my math notebooks - and you can probably guess why).

However, I managed to pry out as many of these diary entries as I can from the dusty abyss. And, reading through them, I found some very quotable things that I oddly felt like sharing.

1. Me getting super worried about birds:

December 27, 2013

"I saw 2 birds fly across the ocean, and I got to wondering, and worrying that it might take hours before they see a landing spot so basically they'll have to be flying on for hours nonstop, right? I mean, sure, boats are everywhere too but like what if fishermen drive them away? What if they get cramps or something? What if they grow hungry? I'm just so worried for them and it made me seriously wonder... further into that ocean, would I see a bird corpse? Will those 2 birds get across without a problem or will they become bird corpses in the middle of the ocean?

Sigh. I wish birds loved themselves more and not risk their own lives recklessly flying across the ocean like that. Makes my heart nervous."

2. Me getting my priorities straight:

January 3, 2014 

"Episode 2 of BBC Sherlock Season 3 airs at 4:30 AM on January 6, 2014. 

7:30 AM on January 6, 2014 is when school officially comes back from holiday break. 

This is a tight spot for me. I have to focus on what's important here. Sacrifices need to be made. And because desperate times call for desperate measures, I have decided to maybe stop going to school forever so I can fawn over BBC Sherlock till the end of time. 

Oops. Sorry mom?"

3. Me hoping that I was secretly in a romcom:

May 19, 2012

"I find myself in a cafe (the only one in my undercivilized town), The clouds have covered up the earlier pleasantness of the sun-kissed sky and here now falls the little drops of rain, making little splattering sounds that the cafe's TV desperately tries to drown out. 

I figured I was waiting for something. I don't really know what - or who, but there was something missing in this cafe setting I'm currently in. The rain fits. The coffee fits. The sandwich fits. And me pretentiously writing in a cafe with a coffee and a sandwich while it's raining outside fits perfectly. I've seen all of it before 

But, something's just missing! My writing instincts are mad! Must fix! Bad story! Not detecting: love interest. 

Oh. 

Yeah, that's what's missing here. A him. A perfect guy with great hair who writes as well and understands the world like I do who accidentally meets me in a cafe on a rainy day. Like, I can see it: he'd have been biking around the neighborhood when the rain catches up to him so he ducks into the nearest building he could find and he's all soaking wet and dripping all over my table nearest to the door and I get mad and lalala~~~ ROMANCE~"

3.5  Me realizing that I wasn't secretly in a romcom:

May 19, 2012 

"I'm waiting for fate, I guess. A chance at having something with the slightest more intensity than my boring life. But I've done this before. He never comes. I always and only ever hope, but I never get to meet him. Sometimes I think maybe he's dead or disabled or a hundred miles away and I get mad at everything keeping us apart like the ocean or a car that probably ran him over while on the way here to meet me. Rude.

But then, soon enough I get to the realization that maybe this is my fate. Maybe I don't have a him. Maybe my future is to sit here waiting forever for nothing. Maybe I'm just fated to be alone. 

Oh but sod that. I'm thinking positive here. He's just... dead or something! He died now. Poor thing. Didn't even get to meet me, his soulmate. Love you, hon. R.I.P. <3"

4. Me using strawberry-choco ice cream as a metaphor for growing up:

December 19, 2013 

"I also bought ice cream today. Two flavors in one, very exciting. It was strawberry and chocolate... and it was horrible. Oh my god. Is this what growing up is like? Does growing up mean hating ice cream or is this thing just really bad for everyone?! I'm so worried. I don't wanna hate ice cream. Come on, I'm like 8!"

5. Me actually thinking of growing up:

June 12, 2013 

"My point is, maybe growing up is seeing that no matter how big we become, somebody will still bury us under the earth. So we stop being excited about the first day of school, or really just anything going on around us. We just wait for that day, and wonder how it will go, if it’ll be peaceful, or sudden, or slow. As we grow up, we stop caring about Science and Literature and Mathematics, because who cares? It’s not like lines and cylinders will save us when it’s time we must leave and be forgotten.  Maybe growing up is realizing that all we’re really doing is dying."

So, that's about it for now!

Sorry to end it on such an existential note (oops). I might share more of these because my diary entries really crack me up.

Man, I had lots of weird thoughts!

-Desimandrius