Thoughts

Quotes from my High School Diary

I did the thing!

I did the most cringe-worthy thing I could ever do: I reread my high school diary.

Audible Gasp!

Okay, first of all - just to clarify - I never really kept a constant diary in high school and didn't even bother to write everyday. As a matter of fact, I either wrote diary entries everyday for a week or not at all for 4 months. I didn't even actually have a consistent diary notebook. My diary entries were scattered in all different kinds of notebooks (my favorite victims being my math notebooks - and you can probably guess why).

However, I managed to pry out as many of these diary entries as I can from the dusty abyss. And, reading through them, I found some very quotable things that I oddly felt like sharing.

1. Me getting super worried about birds:

December 27, 2013

"I saw 2 birds fly across the ocean, and I got to wondering, and worrying that it might take hours before they see a landing spot so basically they'll have to be flying on for hours nonstop, right? I mean, sure, boats are everywhere too but like what if fishermen drive them away? What if they get cramps or something? What if they grow hungry? I'm just so worried for them and it made me seriously wonder... further into that ocean, would I see a bird corpse? Will those 2 birds get across without a problem or will they become bird corpses in the middle of the ocean?

Sigh. I wish birds loved themselves more and not risk their own lives recklessly flying across the ocean like that. Makes my heart nervous."

2. Me getting my priorities straight:

January 3, 2014 

"Episode 2 of BBC Sherlock Season 3 airs at 4:30 AM on January 6, 2014. 

7:30 AM on January 6, 2014 is when school officially comes back from holiday break. 

This is a tight spot for me. I have to focus on what's important here. Sacrifices need to be made. And because desperate times call for desperate measures, I have decided to maybe stop going to school forever so I can fawn over BBC Sherlock till the end of time. 

Oops. Sorry mom?"

3. Me hoping that I was secretly in a romcom:

May 19, 2012

"I find myself in a cafe (the only one in my undercivilized town), The clouds have covered up the earlier pleasantness of the sun-kissed sky and here now falls the little drops of rain, making little splattering sounds that the cafe's TV desperately tries to drown out. 

I figured I was waiting for something. I don't really know what - or who, but there was something missing in this cafe setting I'm currently in. The rain fits. The coffee fits. The sandwich fits. And me pretentiously writing in a cafe with a coffee and a sandwich while it's raining outside fits perfectly. I've seen all of it before 

But, something's just missing! My writing instincts are mad! Must fix! Bad story! Not detecting: love interest. 

Oh. 

Yeah, that's what's missing here. A him. A perfect guy with great hair who writes as well and understands the world like I do who accidentally meets me in a cafe on a rainy day. Like, I can see it: he'd have been biking around the neighborhood when the rain catches up to him so he ducks into the nearest building he could find and he's all soaking wet and dripping all over my table nearest to the door and I get mad and lalala~~~ ROMANCE~"

3.5  Me realizing that I wasn't secretly in a romcom:

May 19, 2012 

"I'm waiting for fate, I guess. A chance at having something with the slightest more intensity than my boring life. But I've done this before. He never comes. I always and only ever hope, but I never get to meet him. Sometimes I think maybe he's dead or disabled or a hundred miles away and I get mad at everything keeping us apart like the ocean or a car that probably ran him over while on the way here to meet me. Rude.

But then, soon enough I get to the realization that maybe this is my fate. Maybe I don't have a him. Maybe my future is to sit here waiting forever for nothing. Maybe I'm just fated to be alone. 

Oh but sod that. I'm thinking positive here. He's just... dead or something! He died now. Poor thing. Didn't even get to meet me, his soulmate. Love you, hon. R.I.P. <3"

4. Me using strawberry-choco ice cream as a metaphor for growing up:

December 19, 2013 

"I also bought ice cream today. Two flavors in one, very exciting. It was strawberry and chocolate... and it was horrible. Oh my god. Is this what growing up is like? Does growing up mean hating ice cream or is this thing just really bad for everyone?! I'm so worried. I don't wanna hate ice cream. Come on, I'm like 8!"

5. Me actually thinking of growing up:

June 12, 2013 

"My point is, maybe growing up is seeing that no matter how big we become, somebody will still bury us under the earth. So we stop being excited about the first day of school, or really just anything going on around us. We just wait for that day, and wonder how it will go, if it’ll be peaceful, or sudden, or slow. As we grow up, we stop caring about Science and Literature and Mathematics, because who cares? It’s not like lines and cylinders will save us when it’s time we must leave and be forgotten.  Maybe growing up is realizing that all we’re really doing is dying."

So, that's about it for now!

Sorry to end it on such an existential note (oops). I might share more of these because my diary entries really crack me up.

Man, I had lots of weird thoughts!

-Desimandrius

Drabble #4

The Night of the Sentinels

(A/N: This drabble is set in the KRP Murderworld)

There was something about tonight.

There was something in the night air - it seemed colder than usual. Even if his ally Heron argued that they shouldn’t make such a big fire for camp tonight, Qiu insisted they should because the night oddly had him chafing his hands over the arms of his jacket. The hairs on the back of his neck rose after every wave of the cool breeze and the feeling prompted Qiu to be more cautious tonight.

There was something about how the night sounded - or, rather, how it didn’t. The chirping of the crickets, the croaking of the frogs, the constant rustling in the forest of the various predators that inhabited the island with them - they were all… not there. The night was silent… peaceful, almost.

And that worried him.

The night worried Qiu so much that he decided to survey the area around him and Heron’s campsite for the second time. His nerves were just telling him something tonight and wouldn’t let him get to sleep. They vibrated in his skin as he explored the forest, like they were looking for some kind of thrill, or preparing for some kind of danger. Qiu’s instincts told him that tonight wasn’t going to be a normal night.

He was just about to find out why.

A sharp pain to the side of the neck, an electric pulse sent through the transmitter before an audible sigh is heard through the speakers. The screen isn’t utilized this time, just the speakers scattered throughout the arena.

“Oh, fuck,” Qiu cursed, as he realized what was happening. “Fuck,” He quickly reached into his jacket pocket for a lighter and was ready to click a flame out at any time. He looked around him. He was deep in the forest. Trees that could harbor all kinds of dangerous shit surrounded him. “Fuck!”

There’s a pause before a voice speaks.

“As much as I appreciate the formation of alliances, the activity has been quite dull. It seems as if all of you have forgotten the objective of this arena, such docile activity and loyalty is plainly speaking — boring.

Heron. Shit. She was all alone. Like a reflex, Qiu’s feet immediately sprinted to her direction. Arcade better not fucking touch her.

“Hence, in order to remind you all, I have decided to send in a few companions. I would recommend playing nice, but I doubt they could comprehend such a command.

The cold wind bit at his face as he ran, his hand still tightly clutching the lighter. What kind of bullshit was Arcade planning this time? Doesn’t he ever grow tired of being such a piece of shit all the time?

“Kill or be killed, only the strong will survive.”

“Coward!” He screamed at the sky, still running to Heron. He knew Arcade heard. “If you’re so strong why don’t you come at me! Come on! Douchebag!”

When the robot dog stood in front of him, Qiu screeched into a stop, and once again, he was reminded that it was never really a good idea to curse at the very psycho that was running this place.

He clicked the lighter on, eyes fixed on the… creature in front of him. Qiu wasn’t sure what it was. It was metal, but its movements were light and it moved just like a wolf, but more sinister, and Qiu was certain it was also more dangerous. Qiu followed it with eyes as it encircled him, he noticed something on its side: 007 - those numbers were engraved on it and Qiu would be damned if he knew what that meant.

The flame that was initially on the lighter was now in every cell in Qiu’s body. The looked like feathers on him - a visible aura… of anger, of power.

Qiu watched it stop. He mimicked the move. It crouched. Qiu executed his battle stance: He stood firm on the ground facing the robot, right foot forward and both burning fists raised up to his chest. It lunged forward, its mouth open and in that moment, Qiu realized that it wasn’t a robot dog at all. It had sharp metallic incisors that, aside from looking like the blades that would deliver him his death, also very greatly resembled the teeth of wolves.

Qiu gathered all his strength to his right forearm and flung the mechanical wolf as far away from him as possible. And then, he willed all the fire from his body to run to it and swallow it, but Qiu heard no familiar wailing and what the fire spat out wasn’t burnt bones and ashes, but the same exact thing - but now…also on fire, and running towards Qiu once again. “Oh, fucking HELL”

He sprinted away as fast as he could. Looking around, he focused on converting his adrenaline into a plan that won’t get him killed. He also just realized that he was still running towards Heron’s direction which meant that - unless she had already been devoured by one of these metal monsters - he wasn’t just facing his death, he was also forcing Heron to face hers.

He pulled the lighter out again and created a flame. He threw wide boomerangs of flames around him, causing every tree he passed by to be sliced down to the ground, some of them even piling up. This would hopefully slow the metal wolf down. When Heron and his campsite was on sight, he stopped running and focused on finding anything that he could make into a barricade. He summoned every animal he sensed nearby with his flames - birds, foxes, wolves - he threw all their dead bodies at his mechanical enemy but everytime it stumbled, it resiliently got back up on its four feet.

But, Qiu, found his chance when he spotted a thick tree on the robot wolf’s path. He tried to slice it with fire immediately, focusing so much on getting down just in time. “Ugh!” He grunted, using all his energy to strengthen the fire he directed at the tree’s base.

As the precious seconds passed, the wolf neared and the tree neared to being cut down, until finally, the wolf was right below its range and Qiu, for the love of all things holy, finally succeeded and the tree trampled the metal thing into the ground.

His breathing was labored when he finished. That thing was probably done for. He scoffed as he walked back to their campsite. “That all you got, Arcade?” he said and stuck his tongue out at the sky.

And honestly, Qiu’s starting to hate himself now for never learning from his mistakes because right after he bad-mouthed the creator, he heard what creepily sounded like metal from behind him. And, looking back, his suspicions were confirmed. It was that damn metal bitch.

“Fucking. HELL!” He shouted before running again - as fast as he could - to where Heron was.

There was certainly something about tonight.

It was the Night of the Sentinels.

-Desimandrius